November 26, 2024 - Tuesday

• It is 12:15AM and I am sitting out by T-Mobile, charging our shit and working away at getting out of this mess. I don’t want to get too carried away in journaling, but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to write out a couple things I’ve been thinking.
• I suppose it’s been troubling me a little bit when sit and think how it’s been two years since I have had a place to live. It really makes me feel kind of like a loser and like, why the fuck did I go to college ya know? I sit and think about all the successful things my college friends are doing/probably doing and it makes me sad to think about the totally different path that I’ve taken. I’m happy with Lisa and I’m glad I found programming, but isn’t there a way to have both success and happiness like in that I want to be with the person I love and just not be on the streets? And be able to do what I like to do, programming? It gets harder and harder sitting here thinking about how things will get better because it always seems like things are just kind of always getting worse, no matter what we do or try. It seems like my family doesn’t care enough to want to help me or suggest what I can do to get out of this. The whole tri-city area probably knows me as the guy that dates that hot, domestic violence sign girl and thinks I’m a piece of shit. I mean, honestly I don’t care at all anymore, it just sucks knowing what kind of potential I have and the fact that I have a college degree and I am out here in this dumb shit environment full of mouth breathing morons.
  • I don’t mean to be like that but it’s fucking true. It’s so depressing too when they’re like “oh wahh blah blah wah wah my panhandling spot!!!” - I don’t even want to be doing that shit in the first place, but I gotta survive, then you come out fighting with me like I care about it. Well it all just sucks and it feels like its never ending/there’s no way out. I think my programming might be the ticket out, but I gotta get focused and work like 24/7 until I get a job, and I’m not getting the commitment I need from Lisa on that end. I don’t know how many more times I can continue to repeat myself to her about how I need her to have some drive and moxy to want to get up and get out of this. I can’t keep trying to pull it from her or driving it out of her - it’s just getting to a point where I feel like I am at the end of the rope and that rope is getting a lot tighter. I don’t know if I can keep up this humiliation, defeat, and suffering for too much longer unless I can see that there is going to be a road up and out of this. I mean, it’s helpful I’m trying to make our living situation better when I get the money I won from the parlay, but then we are back to having everything else facing us - no money, its cold, people think we’re shitty.
• I just hope there is a way out of this and praying that somebody will take a fucking shot on me - please god.

Today’s Tasks

• GeauxWeisbeck4.dev Version 3.0.0
• Learning Linux
• Study Data Structures and Algorithms
• Build portfolio apps

Today’s Notes

• System Programming in Linux

Resources, Readings, and Links